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Some
Infamous words
"Computers
in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I
think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
-Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM,
1943
"I
have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with
the best people,
and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that
won't last out the year."
-The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But
what ... is it good for?"
-Engineer at the Advanced Computing
Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting
on the microchip.
"There
is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
-Ken Olson, president, chairman and
founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This
'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
a means of
communication. The device is inherently of no value to
us."
- Western Union internal memo,
1876.
"The
wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would
pay
for a message
sent to nobody in particular?"
-David Sarnoff's associates in
response to his urgings for investment
in
the radio in the 1920s.
"The
concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
better than a 'C,' the idea
must
be feasible."
-A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper
proposing
reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found
Federal Express Corp.)
"Who
the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
-H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,
1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary
Cooper."
-Gary Cooper on his decision not to
take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A
cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes
crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you
make."
- Response to Debbi Fields' idea
of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We
don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
-Decca Recording Co. rejecting the
Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air
flying machines are impossible."
-Lord Kelvin, president, Royal
Society, 1895.
"If
I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was
full of examples
that said you can't do this."
-Spencer Silver, on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M
"Post-It" Notepads.
"So
we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even
built with some of your parts,
and what do you think about funding us? Or
we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary,
we'll come
work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So
then we went to
Hewlett-Packard,
and they said,
'Hey, we don't need you.
You haven't got through college yet.'"
-Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve
Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and
Steve Wozniak's
personal computer.
"Professor
Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction
and the need
to have something better than a vacuum against which to
react. He seems to lack the
basic
knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
-1921 New York Times editorial
about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.
"You
want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of
your muscles?
"Drill
for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
-Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried
to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks
have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
-Irving Fisher, Professor of
Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes
are interesting toys but of no military value."
-Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor
of Strategy, Ecole Superieure deGuerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
-Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
-Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the
wise and humane surgeon".
-Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary
to Queen Victoria 1873.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
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You know you
are addicted to the Internet when...
*
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
*
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
*
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
*
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the
Internet: 28.8...ISDN...
cable modem...T1...T3
*
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
*
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word.
*
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled
the plug on a loved one.
*
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
*
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail
arrives.
*
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
*
Your dog has its own home page.
*
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
*
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
*
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
*
You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the
way back to bed.
*
Your wife makes a new rule: the computer can't come to bed.
*
You forget what year it is.
*
You start to tilt your head sideways to smile. :-)
*
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200
hours a month "unlimited."
*
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage so you buy another
computer and install a second phone
line so the two of you can chat.
*
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first
instinct is to search for the "back" button.
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COMPUTER USERS???
Once again, we have life imitating the Three Stooges. ..V
Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support
employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went
away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light
that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it.
Can you see that?"
......."Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
......."Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
......."Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's
dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage?
Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still
have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when
you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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